ILNews

Formalizing relationships between unmarried couples

Jenny Montgomery
August 17, 2011
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United States Census figures show that between 2000 and 2010, the number of unmarried couples living together – both opposite-sex and same-sex – increased about 41 percent. With more than 7 million unmarried couples now sharing household responsibilities as if they were married, some have begun to think about how to plan together for worst-case scenarios.

snyder-natalie-mug Snyder

Natalie Snyder, a certified family law specialist for Cross Woolsey & Glazier in Carmel, said she has begun to see an increase in unmarried couples seeking cohabitation agreements, particularly among older couples.

“That probably follows, because if you’re going to have a cohabitation agreement – much like a premarital agreement – you’d need to have something to protect,” she said.

Many unmarried couples who Snyder sees are primarily interested in protecting their homes or businesses. She advises anyone in a long-term relationship – whether opposite- or same-sex – who is cohabitating to have this type of agreement on their radar.

“The risk is, if you don’t have an agreement in place, some court may separate all of your assets and debts in a way that you don’t want them divided,” she said.

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Stephen Sullivan, an attorney with Ball Fletcher Sullivan in Hobart, knows first-hand how helpful a cohabitation agreement can be when a relationship ends. He had one in place about 10 years ago, when he and his girlfriend bought a house.

“It was very encompassing – it had all sorts of things in there about how much each of us was going to contribute to the household,” he said. “She was making a lot less money than I was, so I couldn’t expect her to pay 50/50.”

When the couple parted ways, Sullivan kept the house and paid out equity to his ex-girlfriend through a formula that was included in the cohabitation agreement.

“One of the best parts about this is, the best time to be fair with each other is when you love each other,” Sullivan said. “When you’re breaking up, you have hurt feelings … and all those things are already decided and the hurt feelings don’t come into it.”

Families and the courts

In Indiana, unmarried couples who live together don’t have all of the rights that married people have. If, for example, one member of a domestic partnership were to suffer an incapacitating illness, his or her partner would not be able to make end-of-life decisions, because state law dictates that the closest next-of-kin makes those decisions. But creating a healthcare power of attorney and an appointment of healthcare representative would give a partner the legal right to make important decisions on behalf of his or her partner.

fletcher-wendy-mug Fletcher

Attorney Wendy Fletcher, who works with Sullivan, wrote about this issue in her paper, “No Marriage Equality Yet for the Hoosier State: But Some Protection Possible.” She cited In re Guardianship Atkins, 868 N.E.2d 878 (Ind.Ct.App. 2007), which originated from a dispute between a gay man and his partner’s estranged parents. The man’s partner – with whom he had been in a committed relationship for more than 20 years – was hospitalized in a coma, but the parents kept the comatose man’s partner from visiting him. The Indiana Court of Appeals ruled that the parents could not bar the man from hospital visitation, but only the parents were entitled to make healthcare and medical decisions for their son, per Indiana law.

Fletcher said that these issues are not unique to gay couples.

“One thing that I’ve always found interesting – particularly within the LGBT community – we see it as very discriminatory that we’re unable to get married (and enjoy the same rights as married people) without paying a lawyer to do it,” she told Indiana Lawyer. “But the same thing happens to unmarried heterosexual couples.”

Indiana courts have recognized the right of same-sex and opposite-sex couples to adopt children, but other matters associated with unmarried partners adopting children are decided on a case-by-case basis, Fletcher said. Cohabitation agreements can define guidelines for couples who adopt children and set ground rules for what would happen if the couple splits. Without such plans in place, those discussions may end up in courtrooms.

In Mariga v. Flint, No. 79A02-0407-CV-612, the Indiana Court of Appeals settled a long dispute between two women who were formerly partners. One partner had adopted the biological children of the other, and when the two separated, the adoptive parent attempted to vacate the adoption and appealed Tippecanoe County Superior Court’s determination that she should pay child support to her former partner. The appeals court upheld the previous rulings, finding that the adoption and child support order were valid.

In issuing the opinion in Mariga, Judge John G. Baker wrote: “This case requires us to examine the nature of parenthood. Whether a parent is a man or a woman, homosexual or heterosexual, or adoptive or biological, in assuming that role, a person also assumes certain responsibilities, obligations, and duties. That person may not simply choose to shed the parental mantle because it becomes inconvenient, seems ill-advised in retrospect, or becomes burdensome because of a deterioration in the relationship with the children’s other parent. To the contrary, of key importance is the relationship between parent and children, not between parent and parent.”•

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  3. All these sites putting up all the crap they do making Brent Look like A Monster like he's not a good person . First off th fight actually started not because of Brent but because of one of his friends then when the fight popped off his friend ran like a coward which left Brent to fend for himself .It IS NOT a crime to defend yourself 3 of them and 1 of him . just so happened he was a better fighter. I'm Brent s wife so I know him personally and up close . He's a very caring kind loving man . He's not abusive in any way . He is a loving father and really shouldn't be where he is not for self defense . Now because of one of his stupid friends trying to show off and turning out to be nothing but a coward and leaving Brent to be jumped by 3 men not only is Brent suffering but Me his wife , his kids abd step kidshis mom and brother his family is left to live without him abd suffering in more ways then one . that man was and still is my smile ....he's the one real thing I've ever had in my life .....f@#@ You Lafayette court system . Learn to do your jobs right he maybe should have gotten that year for misdemeanor battery but that s it . not one person can stand to me and tell me if u we're in a fight facing 3 men and u just by yourself u wouldn't fight back that you wouldn't do everything u could to walk away to ur family ur kids That's what Brent is guilty of trying to defend himself against 3 men he wanted to go home tohisfamily worse then they did he just happened to be a better fighter and he got the best of th others . what would you do ? Stand there lay there and be stomped and beaten or would u give it everything u got and fight back ? I'd of done the same only I'm so smallid of probably shot or stabbed or picked up something to use as a weapon . if it was me or them I'd do everything I could to make sure I was going to live that I would make it hone to see my kids and husband . I Love You Brent Anthony Forever & Always .....Soul 1 baby

  4. Good points, although this man did have a dog in the legal fight as that it was his mother on trial ... and he a dependent. As for parking spaces, handicap spots for pregnant women sure makes sense to me ... er, I mean pregnant men or women. (Please, I meant to include pregnant men the first time, not Room 101 again, please not Room 101 again. I love BB)

  5. I have no doubt that the ADA and related laws provide that many disabilities must be addressed. The question, however, is "by whom?" Many people get dealt bad cards by life. Some are deaf. Some are blind. Some are crippled. Why is it the business of the state to "collectivize" these problems and to force those who are NOT so afflicted to pay for those who are? The fact that this litigant was a mere spectator and not a party is chilling. What happens when somebody who speaks only East Bazurkistanish wants a translator so that he can "understand" the proceedings in a case in which he has NO interest? Do I and all other taxpayers have to cough up? It would seem so. ADA should be amended to provide a simple rule: "Your handicap, YOUR problem". This would apply particularly to handicapped parking spaces, where it seems that if the "handicap" is an ingrown toenail, the government comes rushing in to assist the poor downtrodden victim. I would grant wounded vets (IED victims come to mind in particular) a pass on this.. but others? Nope.

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