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Hammerle on 'Jack the Giant Slayer,' 'Identity Thief'

Robert Hammerle
March 13, 2013
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bob hammerle movie reviewsJack the Giant Slayer

Say what you want about 14-year-old boys, but they reach their maximum potential when they function as an unashamed movie companion for films like “Jack the Giant Slayer.” Again, I am speaking of my grandson, Connor, who shares my enthusiasm for mythological action films.

The irony is that while we truly liked “Jack the Giant Slayer” and this year’s “Warm Bodies,” both starred Nicholas Hoult. In “Warm Bodies,” he was a struggling zombie falling madly in love with a human girl, and here he is a poor farm boy attracted to a young princess. Dead man walking or a lad who tills the soil, the kid knows how to get ahead in life.

While “Jack the Giant Slayer” tells the story that we all know, it does so with some splendid acting and superior special effects. Some nasty giants live in the world between Earth and heaven, and a young princess, played effectively by Eleanor Tomlinson, finds herself whisked into their world by an uncaring beanstalk. Jack joins a group of soldiers from the realm to climb the stalk to rescue her, and the ensuing adventure becomes far more exciting than critics dare acknowledge.

ratingjack.gif The film is enormously helped by performances from Ian McShane, Stanley Tucci and Ewan McGregor. In his small role as the kind king, you are left hoping that Mr. McShane could express his agony over his missing daughter in the extraordinarily foul language of his memorable character in TV’s “Deadwood” (2006-2009). God I miss Al Swearengen.

Mr. Tucci appears here as the selected betrothed of the horrified young princess, though he has an idiotic plan to put power ahead of sex with the help of the gnarly giants. Mr. Tucci is a stitch as the gap-toothed villain, and he again demonstrates his wide acting range as recently seen in last year’s “The Hunger Games.”

Mr. McGregor is always sensational, and he serves as the king’s emissary with both cunning and a delightful twinkle in his eye. Regardless, if you’re not up to seeing this film, hunt him down in “Beginners” (2010), “Salmon Fishing in the Yemen” (2011) and last year’s “The Impossible.”

The giants are a collection of truly ugly monsters, led by the great Bill Nighy. Playing General Fallon, he is cursed with two heads and an attitude that Satan himself would admire. Though the character is profoundly hateful, you can’t help but love Mr. Nighy when you recall his last role as the suffering husband in last year’s spectacular “The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel.”

Finally, what shouldn’t be missed is the desire of the princess to seek adventure, as she simply believed that it would allow her to run her kingdom with an eye to improving the lives of her subjects. Maybe our national politicians who defend the sequester should get out of Washington and hunt a little adventure of their own.

Who knows, maybe they could dedicate themselves to leading in a way that helps their subjects, today known as citizens.

Identity Thief

“Identity Thief” is a flamboyantly absurd film that treats idiocy like a human strength. It contains absurd sequences involving car chases, hit men/women and a killer bail bondsman. There are sporadic moments where you can do little more than simply shake your head.

On the other hand, as profoundly foolish as this film is, it is at times embarrassingly entertaining. Without question this is entirely due to the endearing talents of both Jason Bateman and Melissa McCarthy. He is as warm and vulnerable as she is venal, asocial and maliciously funny, and the two form an unlikely team that finds a way to entertain you.

Mr. Bateman plays Sandy Patterson, a businessman in Denver fighting to support his pregnant wife and their two children. As he gambles on a new job with other disgruntled employees, he learns that he has been victimized through identify theft by some unknown scalawag in Florida. He finds himself massively in debt, not to mention named in an arrest warrant for failing to appear in court.

For unexplainable reasons, the police, his wife (played with little energy by Amanda Peet), and his business associates allow him to travel alone to Florida to return with his nemesis. In the process, he links up with his target, a mean-spirited Ms. McCarthy. Overcoming her best punch, a vicious jab to the throat, she is e

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ventually forced to accompany him on his journey to Colorado.

What makes “Identity Thief” rise above its profound weaknesses is the gradual bond formed by Mr. Bateman and Ms. McCarthy. The film is further helped with a screamingly funny performance by Eric Stonestreet from TV’s “Modern Family.” Let me just say that it involves Ms. McCarthy’s drunken seduction of him in a cheap motel room while describing Mr. Bateman at length as a woefully impotent husband who only wants to watch.

Ms. McCarthy again proves that she is a diamond in the cinematic rough. Her performance in “Bridesmaids” (2011) remains a memorable classic, and her wildly hysterical performance in a small role in “This Is 40” (2012) was the only thing that made that film watchable.

Recently, a well-known national film critic came under deserved criticism for referring to her as a “hippo.” His words were condemnable, as both Ms. McCarthy and Rebel Wilson (think of her as Fat Amy in “Pitch Perfect”) breathe life into the definition of feminism by any standard.

Consider the way women are seen today as both newscasters and weather forecasters on TV. From ESPN to Katie Couric, nearly all of the women you see on the screen either involve full body shots or with them sitting in chairs wearing short skirts, their legs crossed and wearing very high heels. Could the men behind most of television programming be doing little more than selling women on their physical allure? Surely not!

Regardless, I would love to see Ms. McCarthy and Fat Amy in that role.•

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Robert Hammerle practices criminal law in Indianapolis. When he is not in the courtroom or working diligently in his Pennsylvania Street office, Bob can likely be found at one of his favorite movie theaters watching and preparing to review the latest films. To read more of his reviews, visit www.bigmouthbobs.com. The opinions expressed are those of the author.
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  1. Am I the only one who sees that the City is essentially giving away the MSA site AND giving millions to build new buildings on the site when this site would be the perfect place for the Justice Complex? Across from City-County, check; keeping it centrally located, check, etc. It's my understanding that the GM site must be purchased by the City from Motors Liquidation Company. STOP WASTING WHAT WE ALREADY HAVE AND OUR TAX DOLLARS! The Ballard Administration has not been known for it's common sense...never voted for him and never will!

  2. This guy sounds like the classic molester/manipulator.

  3. Louis D. Brandeis was born in 1856. At 9 years of age it would have been 1865. The Brandeis family did not own slaves. My source Louis D. Brandeis: A Life, by Melvin L. Urofsky.

  4. My name is Matthew Lucas Major, I recently went through a jury trial in Bloomington , In. It was the week of Feb 19-21. Although I have been incarcerated since August 5, 2014. The reason I 'am writing to you sir is on the 21 of February the jury came in with a very excessive and wrongful verdict of guilty on 6 child molesting charges against my daughter who was 9 at the time I was accused. I also had 2 other Felonies one of Intimidation and 1 of Sexual Vicarious Gratification. Judge Marc Kellam on the second day of trial gave me a not guilty on those 2 felonies. The jury was sent out during that time and when brought back Judge Kellam told them to not concern themselves with the 2 Felonies that he ruled on them. They were told to not let evidence they had already heard influence there verdicts. I never in my life touched any child sexually and definitely not with my own daughter. When I was arrested Detective Shawn Karr told me I would be convicted guilty just on my daughters word even without evidence. That's just what happened. my public defender did me so wrong he never once proved to the court and jury all the lies the child told, and Jeremy Noel my public defender could of proven the lies easily. The stories in Serenity's depositions and Forensic interview changed and were not consistent as Prosecutor Darcie Fawcett claimed they were. Yet my attorney never mentioned that. The facts that the child accused me of full penetration in her vagina and rectum was proven lies. Doctor Roberta Hibbard of Riley hospital in Indianapolis confirmed Serenity's hymen intact, no scars, no tearing, no signs of rape to her. Yet my attorney didn't use that knowledge . the DNA was all in my favor. I tell you I will spend my entire life in prison going through rape and beatings etc. even Judge Kellam abused his authority by telling the jurors to listen and believe what the prosecutors side in evidence like my daughters testimony. In one interview with the detectives my daughter got flustered with her mom and said on camera " I'm saying what you told me to mom"!! Yet Mr. Noel said nor did anything to even resemble a defense attorney. Judge Kellam allowed edited version of a taped conversation between the child and her mother. Also Judge Kellam allowed the Prosecutor too bring in to my case a knife found under my seat, the knife wasn't part of my case. She was allowed by my attorney and the judge to put a huge picture of it on the screen and huge picture of my naked privates in a full courtroom and open court. Ms. Fawcett says to jury see how easy Mr. Major could reach the knife and cut his Childs throat. Even though I had no weapons charge against these cases. This gave the jurors prejudice thought against me thinking I threatened her with that knife and how scared she would of been knowing i could get it and kill her. On my sentencing court March 19, 2014 my public defender told Judge Kellam he wish to resign from being my attorney and wished for the court to give me outside council to file a error to trial or appeal. We were denied. Now after openly knowing my public defender don't want to represent me he has to. Well when as parents we make our kids clean a room when they really don't wish to, well the child will but don't mean she will do a good job, that's where I'm at with Mr. Noel. please dont ignore mine and my families pleas for your help . we have all the legal proof you could need to prove Im innocent. Please dont make my spend years in prison innocent when you can fix this wrong. Im not saying Im a perfect man or that I was a perfect dad to my 2 children none of us are. Ive made some bad choices in life and I paid for them. But I didnt ever touch or rape my daughter . I love my children with all my heart. And now through needing attention and a ex-wife who told my granny several times she wish she could put me in prison to get me out of their lives. Well my ex finally accomplished her goal. Sad part is she is destroying our daughter with all this horrific lies and things she taught my daughter to say. My daughter will need therapist to ever hope for a chance of a normal life after what she had done to her by her mom and their side of the family. My daughter told everyone even on stand she had a dream months before i supposedly molested her in this dream I was molesting her and when I finally did it matched her dream perfectly. She admitted to watching movies about little girls being molested and watching U-Tube videos about child molesting all before it happened supposedly to her. Doesn't that sound very unusual that a non molested 9 yr old would need to know so much about being molested? The only reason I could think a 9 year old would need so much information is to be prepared to know what to say and be able to say how it felt what took place etc.. So when questioned by authorities she would be prepared. And there again sir if a parent is pre grooming a 9 year old child she would need intimate details . Like telling her daughter about a couple moles on my private area. The child admitted to sneaking my cell and looking many many times at nudes of me and my girlfriend even one where my penis was entering my girlfriends vagina. In that picture my moles are obvious. Yet when prosecutor showed everyone in court my privates and pictures of the moles she said the only way the child would know about them is if she saw them for herself. My attorney once again said nothing about the pictures my child saw. Or could a ex-wife be able to describe my moles to help her case against getting rid of me? I beg you help me. This is my very existence. Ive lost everything , a good job, a wonderful girlfriend, my freedom, but worse thing Ive lost is my children. They were my reason to get up every morning and strive to be better. The wonderful bond I had with my Serenity is gone. After this I would be afraid to even hug her for fear of what next can they do to me. I'm not afraid to tell you I sit here in this cell and try to hold back my tears. Everyone knows you cant show weakness in prison. My life has already been threatened here at Wabash Valley Prison. After only 3 days of arrival. I was tricked into signing a waiver now Im in G Block General Population with 6 child molesting felony charges. Mrs. Hart as a 18 year old I almost died hooked to machines in hospital almost 1 month and now I know that fear was childish compared to this . I cant help but put emotions in this, after all Mrs. Hart Im human and God help Me I never been more afraid in my life. I didnt hurt my little girl I didnt touch her sexually. As much as it shreds me and fills my mind what Im facing I worry more about my mom and granny because of their great love for me mam they are suffering so deeply. I aint done this things but my loved ones suffering right along beside me and If you take my case you will be in essence freeing them also. I sent momma this letter and asked her to email it to you. I'm scared I have been done so unjustly by our legal system and I need you to fix this and give me freedom. I ask you please don't just ignore my pleas. Here in America its nice to be able to trust our legal justice system, well they destroyed my and my loved ones trust in our justice system . And I'm trusting in You !!! My entire family is suffering this nightmare with me. My 77 year old granny had a stroke and isn't doing so well. My single mother that raised 3 kids alone is dying from Lupus and since my arrest has stayed so sick and weary. Our lives torn to peices by a government I was taught I could trust in. my momma has tried so many innocent project and wrongfully accused and cant get anywhere. please please help me. A quote from the late Nelson Mandela: To be free is not merely to cast off ones chains, But to live in a way that respects and enhances The Freedom Of Others. I have Faith in you and your clinic to cast my chains off and give me freedom I do deserve as a wrongfully accused Man, son, brother, father, friend. Matthew Major DOC# 246179 Cause # : 53c02-1308-FA-000779 God Bless you. Please contact me with your decision so I know you made a life changing decision for me , just please at least write me so I know you care enough about your citizens to respond to cries for your help. You can speak openly with my mother Charlotte Spain (828) 476-0406: 71 Lakeview Dr. Canton, NC 28716 Thank You Matthew Major I know yall get thousands of request and inmates claiming innocence, and each person who are innocent deserve to have organizations like yours willing to fight for them and I give yall so much Thanks and I thank God everyday yall are out there caring enough to help free the innocents. Since discovering firsthand how easily lives and families can be destroyed by Poor Defense attorneys not doing their job . And Prosecutors allowed to do as they please in court

  5. Frankly, it is tragic that you are even considering going to an expensive, unaccredited "law school." It is extremely difficult to get a job with a degree from a real school. If you are going to make the investment of time, money, and tears into law school, it should not be to a place that won't actually enable you to practice law when you graduate.

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