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IBA: 'Shut Up Already' and Four Other Top Tips for a Successful Family Law Mediation

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By Elisabeth Edwards and Holly Wanzer of Jocham Harden Dimick Jackson LLP

Have you gone a little light on mediation preparation lately? It’s time to jump start your mediation mojo with some tips about how to get in, get settled and get out of the way.

Know your own case. This is sure to elicit a giant “No Kidding”, but it is amazing how many attorneys waltz into mediation with only a vague idea of the case. Mediators love, love, love the attorneys who take mediation as seriously as trial. They know every issue and their client’s position on each. They can articulate best and worst case scenarios, so they see the “middle ground” where settlement will likely occur. They know what their client’s hot-button issues are so they are not wasting time arguing over Aunt Mary’s World’s Fair spoon collection when their client just wants the blender. Be as ready to present the marital estate and child support calculations in mediation as you would be in court. (P.S. The prepared have fewer ten-hour marathons and more “it’s only 4:00 p.m. and we’re done…” days).

Prepare your mediator with the right information. The mediator has the pleasure of facing that sticky, icky issue in your case that is preventing it from settling. In order to settle, you are going to have to talk about it and all its ugliness. You do your client a giant favor by ’fessing up before mediation. Is it infidelity, gambling debts, passive-aggressive, narcissistic, overly emotional parties? Spill it. Please. (Even if the problem is your client). Hours of mediation can be saved if you craft a useful Confidential Mediation Statement instead of a 20-page dissertation of the relevant case law. The mediator does not need to read a treatise, but would appreciate the information which impacts how he will present information in each room. What is more beneficial is a list of the pending issues, including your client’s starting place and bottom line, and an explanation of the dynamics of the case. If you know that your client needs some “tough love” as to what is reasonable, or that one party will be extremely emotional, tell the mediator. Finally, is there a pending offer? Articulate it in your statement. You’ve just jumpstarted the mediation.

Prepare your client. Talk with your client prior to mediation to let her know the best and worst case scenarios if she goes to court. Explain that at mediation she will get neither. Mediation is compromise, and the client will need to do some horse-trading to end up with an agreement. Your client also needs to understand while it’s possible she will go to court and get her “best day”, there is tremendous value to ending the risk that she will get her “worst day”. Not to mention that a big win in court can result in a Notice of Appeal and the start of an expensive Round 2 in the appellate court.

Don’t draw a giant, grandstanding line in the sand. Nothing is more frustrating than the attorney who refuses to make counteroffers (“we stand on our last offer even though we’ve only been here two hours”). Mediation is not Theatre of the Law for your client’s entertainment. It is a serious attempt to find a solution. Saying no without suggesting another option or storming out prematurely in protest is a waste of your client’s time and money. If you don’t even give it a go, you may never know that the other side was just posturing and was prepared to meet your terms. There is a time to inform the mediator that your client is making a “final offer”, but that time is rarely 10:30 a.m.

Shut up already! Your job is more advisor than mouthpiece. Kindly shut up and let the client talk. Chip in your advice when needed, but don’t take over. The mediator will need your help with reality testing. While your mediator cannot opine as to what Judge So-and-So would do, the mediator can ask YOU to opine. Also, please remember who the boss is (and it ain’t you). There are a million reasons that have nothing to do with legal precedent that might make your client inclined to settle a case about his kids and his stuff. Even if you think a better outcome is possible at trial, the decision is your client’s. Advise the client if you don’t recommend the deal; then get out of the way and draft a CYA letter when you return to the office.•

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  1. Ah yes... Echoes of 1963 as a ghostly George Wallace makes his stand at the Schoolhouse door. We now know about the stand of personal belief over service to all constituents at the Carter County Clerk door. The results are the same, bigotry unable to follow the directions of the courts and the courts win. Interesting to watch the personal belief take a back seat rather than resign from a perception of local power to make the statement.

  2. An oath of office, does it override the conscience? That is the defense of overall soldier who violates higher laws, isnt it? "I was just following orders" and "I swore an oath of loyalty to der Fuhrer" etc. So this is an interesting case of swearing a false oath and then knowing that it was wrong and doing the right thing. Maybe they should chop her head off too like the "king's good servant-- but God's first" like St Thomas More. ...... We wont hold our breath waiting for the aclu or other "civil liberterians" to come to her defense since they are all arrayed on the gay side, to a man or should I say to a man and womyn?

  3. Perhaps we should also convene a panel of independent anthropological experts to study the issues surrounding this little-known branch of human sacrifice?

  4. I'm going to court the beginning of Oct. 2015 to establish visitation and request my daughters visits while she is in jail. I raised my grandchild for the first two and half years. She was born out of wedlock and the father and his adopted mother wantwd her aborted, they went as far as sueing my daughter for abortion money back 5mo. After my grandchild was born. Now because of depression and drug abuse my daughter lost custody 2 and a half years ago. Everyting went wrong in court when i went for custody my lawyer was thrown out and a replacment could only stay 45 min. The judge would not allow a postponement. So the father won. Now he is aleinating me and my daughter. No matter the amount of time spent getting help for my daughter and her doing better he runs her in the ground to the point of suicide because he wants her to be in a relationship with him. It is a sick game of using my grandchild as a pawn to make my daughter suffer for not wanting to be with him. I became the intervener in the case when my daughter first got into trouble. Because of this they gave me her visitation. Im hoping to get it again there is questions of abuse on his part and I want to make sure my grandchild is doing alright. I really dont understand how the parents have rights to walk in and do whatever they want when the refuse to stand up and raise the child at first . Why should it take two and a half years to decide you want to raise your child.The father used me so he could finish college get a job and stop paying support by getting custody. Support he was paying my daughter that I never saw.

  5. Pence said when he ordered the investigation that Indiana residents should be troubled by the allegations after the video went viral. Planned Parenthood has asked the government s top health scientists at the National Institutes of Health to convene a panel of independent experts to study the issues surrounding the little-known branch of medicine.

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