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Living Fit: Create a better work-life balance

Sharon McGoff
April 9, 2014
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wellness-mcgoff-sharonWhen you hear the word “balance,” what do you think of? I think of stability, control, equality and calmness. Do any of these words describe your life? What about words like scattered, chaotic, volatile, hectic and frenzied? Most of us fall into the latter descriptive as it relates to the balance between our home, social and work lives. We juggle too many roles and obligations. We add more to our plates without contemplating whether we have room. We become exhausted and stressed. Does this sound like you?

One of the main questions I am asked as a wellness coach is, “How do I find balance in my life between work and home?” Balance requires a little soul searching on your part. What is balance in your life may not be balance in my life. Also, keep in mind that balance changes as your situation changes (new job, new relationship, kids, house, etc). For example, as a 20-something, my balance equation involved studying, going to work and being with friends. I didn’t have a house to take care of or a significant other. That changed in my late 20s when I graduated from law school, got married and bought a house, all within a span of three months. Talk about disrupting the apple cart! Where was I going to find time to be with friends and family and to enjoy my new-found hobby of running? It took a bit of reflection and some trial and error, but I readjusted and righted the scales to once again find balance.

A few years passed and in my late 30s, our son was born. The scales toppled again! No longer did I have the ability to pick up and go when and where I wanted. My husband and I had to figure out the logistics of childcare, working late and free time. Tension ensued, but reflection, compromise and balance was once again restored. This little baby somehow became a very involved teenager, and so now, in my early 50s, I find myself yet again readjusting and rebalancing my life. My interests, friends, activities and obligations have changed throughout the years, but with each major change, I have gone back to the beginning and re-evaluated where I am and what means the most to me in order to live in balance and not in chaos.

I hope the following ideas will help you find balance in your life.

1. Track time spent at work, home and socially. Is it evenly proportioned? What satisfies/dissatisfies you the most? What’s necessary? What’s important to you? In order to free up time and balance your life, do one of the following:

• Ask for help and accept it (e.g., If you hate cleaning house, ask the kids to do it.);

• Delegate and be OK with it not being done your way (No one cleans like you.);

• Omit the obligation from your life entirely (Hire a housekeeper.);

• Create a team approach and work together (The entire family cleans the house.).

2. Set limits, learn to say no and let go of guilt. Decide what your limits are and what you can comfortably agree to do. Limits define the extent of your responsibilities and show others what you are willing to accept. Additionally, when you have the option to say “yes” or “no,” (e.g., a volunteer opportunity or to serve on a board), do you automatically say “yes” and regret it later? Instead of immediately responding, tell the person you’ll think about it. Then determine whether you have time to do it with a grateful heart. For the times when you do say “no,” let go of the guilt because you’re giving someone else the opportunity to say “yes.”

3. Leave work at work and home at home. With the technology to connect to anyone at anytime from anywhere, there is no boundary between work and home unless you create it. Make a conscious decision to separate work time from personal time. When you’re with your family/friends, turn off your phone/computer and give them your full attention. I know this is hard to do, but trust me. Quality and focused time with your family and friends goes a long way to create personal relationships that are instrumental to your professional success. When you’re at work, leave family issues at home.

4. Manage your time. At home, organize tasks efficiently, such as doing a load of laundry every day rather than saving it all for a day off. Keep a family calendar centrally located to post everyone’s activities (work and personal), which will help limit time-consuming misunderstandings via clear communication. At work, set priorities, work smarter not harder, and delegate (and really let go!). Delegation at work gives others opportunities and the chance to grow.

5. Create time for yourself. Being a good employee, parent, partner and friend means being good to yourself first. Eat healthy, include physical activity in your daily routine and get enough sleep. Set aside time each day for an activity you enjoy. Taking care of yourself will benefit you and everyone around you.

6. Flexibility. Let go of the need to have everything done a certain way. Perfectionism is not a human trait and you cannot do it all! I know, you’re a lawyer and Type A is written all over you, but take a deep breath, and then strive for an A- or B+. Understand that with work, children and life, things change at a moment’s notice. Always have a Plan “B” and be OK with that.

7. Discuss expectations and responsibilities. When one family member is taking on too many responsibilities, or one co-worker is doing it all at work, resentments can build. The importance of communication cannot be understated. Periodically discuss the perceptions of others to provide the awareness you need to consider choices for work and family balance.

8. Know when to seek professional help. Everyone needs help from time to time. If your life feels too chaotic to manage, talk with a professional, such as a wellness life coach or counselor.•

__________

Sharon McGoff is a graduate of Indiana University Maurer School of Law, a certified personal trainer and health fitness specialist with the American College of Sports Medicine, and a certified life and wellness coach with WellCoaches Inc. The opinions expressed are those of the author.

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  1. I have been on this program while on parole from 2011-2013. No person should be forced mentally to share private details of their personal life with total strangers. Also giving permission for a mental therapist to report to your parole agent that your not participating in group therapy because you don't have the financial mean to be in the group therapy. I was personally singled out and sent back three times for not having money and also sent back within the six month when you aren't to be sent according to state law. I will work to het this INSOMM's removed from this state. I also had twelve or thirteen parole agents with a fifteen month period. Thanks for your time.

  2. Our nation produces very few jurists of the caliber of Justice DOUGLAS and his peers these days. Here is that great civil libertarian, who recognized government as both a blessing and, when corrupted by ideological interests, a curse: "Once the investigator has only the conscience of government as a guide, the conscience can become ‘ravenous,’ as Cromwell, bent on destroying Thomas More, said in Bolt, A Man For All Seasons (1960), p. 120. The First Amendment mirrors many episodes where men, harried and harassed by government, sought refuge in their conscience, as these lines of Thomas More show: ‘MORE: And when we stand before God, and you are sent to Paradise for doing according to your conscience, *575 and I am damned for not doing according to mine, will you come with me, for fellowship? ‘CRANMER: So those of us whose names are there are damned, Sir Thomas? ‘MORE: I don't know, Your Grace. I have no window to look into another man's conscience. I condemn no one. ‘CRANMER: Then the matter is capable of question? ‘MORE: Certainly. ‘CRANMER: But that you owe obedience to your King is not capable of question. So weigh a doubt against a certainty—and sign. ‘MORE: Some men think the Earth is round, others think it flat; it is a matter capable of question. But if it is flat, will the King's command make it round? And if it is round, will the King's command flatten it? No, I will not sign.’ Id., pp. 132—133. DOUGLAS THEN WROTE: Where government is the Big Brother,11 privacy gives way to surveillance. **909 But our commitment is otherwise. *576 By the First Amendment we have staked our security on freedom to promote a multiplicity of ideas, to associate at will with kindred spirits, and to defy governmental intrusion into these precincts" Gibson v. Florida Legislative Investigation Comm., 372 U.S. 539, 574-76, 83 S. Ct. 889, 908-09, 9 L. Ed. 2d 929 (1963) Mr. Justice DOUGLAS, concurring. I write: Happy Memorial Day to all -- God please bless our fallen who lived and died to preserve constitutional governance in our wonderful series of Republics. And God open the eyes of those government officials who denounce the constitutions of these Republics by arbitrary actions arising out capricious motives.

  3. From back in the day before secularism got a stranglehold on Hoosier jurists comes this great excerpt via Indiana federal court judge Allan Sharp, dedicated to those many Indiana government attorneys (with whom I have dealt) who count the law as a mere tool, an optional tool that is not to be used when political correctness compels a more acceptable result than merely following the path that the law directs: ALLEN SHARP, District Judge. I. In a scene following a visit by Henry VIII to the home of Sir Thomas More, playwriter Robert Bolt puts the following words into the mouths of his characters: Margaret: Father, that man's bad. MORE: There is no law against that. ROPER: There is! God's law! MORE: Then God can arrest him. ROPER: Sophistication upon sophistication! MORE: No, sheer simplicity. The law, Roper, the law. I know what's legal not what's right. And I'll stick to what's legal. ROPER: Then you set man's law above God's! MORE: No, far below; but let me draw your attention to a fact I'm not God. The currents and eddies of right and wrong, which you find such plain sailing, I can't navigate. I'm no voyager. But in the thickets of law, oh, there I'm a forester. I doubt if there's a man alive who could follow me there, thank God... ALICE: (Exasperated, pointing after Rich) While you talk, he's gone! MORE: And go he should, if he was the Devil himself, until he broke the law! ROPER: So now you'd give the Devil benefit of law! MORE: Yes. What would you do? Cut a great road through the law to get after the Devil? ROPER: I'd cut down every law in England to do that! MORE: (Roused and excited) Oh? (Advances on Roper) And when the last law was down, and the Devil turned round on you where would you hide, Roper, the laws being flat? (He leaves *1257 him) This country's planted thick with laws from coast to coast man's laws, not God's and if you cut them down and you're just the man to do it d'you really think you would stand upright in the winds that would blow then? (Quietly) Yes, I'd give the Devil benefit of law, for my own safety's sake. ROPER: I have long suspected this; this is the golden calf; the law's your god. MORE: (Wearily) Oh, Roper, you're a fool, God's my god... (Rather bitterly) But I find him rather too (Very bitterly) subtle... I don't know where he is nor what he wants. ROPER: My God wants service, to the end and unremitting; nothing else! MORE: (Dryly) Are you sure that's God! He sounds like Moloch. But indeed it may be God And whoever hunts for me, Roper, God or Devil, will find me hiding in the thickets of the law! And I'll hide my daughter with me! Not hoist her up the mainmast of your seagoing principles! They put about too nimbly! (Exit More. They all look after him). Pgs. 65-67, A MAN FOR ALL SEASONS A Play in Two Acts, Robert Bolt, Random House, New York, 1960. Linley E. Pearson, Atty. Gen. of Indiana, Indianapolis, for defendants. Childs v. Duckworth, 509 F. Supp. 1254, 1256 (N.D. Ind. 1981) aff'd, 705 F.2d 915 (7th Cir. 1983)

  4. "Meanwhile small- and mid-size firms are getting squeezed and likely will not survive unless they become a boutique firm." I've been a business attorney in small, and now mid-size firm for over 30 years, and for over 30 years legal consultants have been preaching this exact same mantra of impending doom for small and mid-sized firms -- verbatim. This claim apparently helps them gin up merger opportunities from smaller firms who become convinced that they need to become larger overnight. The claim that large corporations are interested in cost-saving and efficiency has likewise been preached for decades, and is likewise bunk. If large corporations had any real interest in saving money they wouldn't use large law firms whose rates are substantially higher than those of high-quality mid-sized firms.

  5. The family is the foundation of all human government. That is the Grand Design. Modern governments throw off this Design and make bureaucratic war against the family, as does Hollywood and cultural elitists such as third wave feminists. Since WWII we have been on a ship of fools that way, with both the elite and government and their social engineering hacks relentlessly attacking the very foundation of social order. And their success? See it in the streets of Fergusson, on the food stamp doles (mostly broken families)and in the above article. Reject the Grand Design for true social function, enter the Glorious State to manage social dysfunction. Our Brave New World will be a prison camp, and we will welcome it as the only way to manage given the anarchy without it.

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