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Living Fit: Stress management involves learning to control reactions

October 9, 2013
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mcgoffAs a young lawyer, I had a recurring dream in which I had moved to a remote mountain cabin, deep in a wooded forest, with majestic mountains in my backyard and a waterfall that fed into a crystal clear lake in my front yard. I awoke each day to the sunrise, fresh mountain air and the energy of the calm environment. There were no phones, computers, demanding clients, irritated family members, traffic or boring social commitments. No stress. I felt relaxed, at peace and calm, thinking about this wonderful life.

Suddenly, my tranquil thoughts were shattered by an annoying sound; my alarm clock. As I slammed the clock to keep it from buzzing, I realized I was not in the mountains, but instead waking up to face yet another stressful day as a young lawyer, overcommitted in every aspect of my life and dreading what the day might bring.

Over the years, I realized the stressful days I dreaded did not have to be perceived by me as such. With patience and perseverance, I realized what caused me (and most people) to experience stress, and I changed my thinking about life’s challenges.

In my current profession as a corporate health coach, I am frequently asked, “How can I get rid of stress?” Everyone expects a one-sentence quick fix to this predicament that has faced humans for hundreds of years. The truth is you cannot get rid of stress. Stressful situations will always be there, no matter your age, socioeconomic status, or profession. But, what you can do is change your thoughts about stress.

First, a few words about stress and the detrimental effects it can have on us. It is true that worry and stress can weaken our immune systems and lead to heart disease, cancer, GI disorders, and mental health problems. 75 to 90 percent of all primary care physician visits are related to stress. Stress can deplete your energy, take away your creativity, decrease your decision-making ability and leave you in a continual state of exhaustion. Stress can result in negative self-talk and unreasonable self-expectations. Stress can lead to sleep deprivation as you lie awake night after night, worrying about “what ifs” that often never happen.

If stress can cause all of these ailments and problems, why do we allow it to take a front seat in our lives?

Many of us experience stress when we lack control over a situation, whether in our homes, at work or in our social circles. You cannot control the difficult client or boss who wants the project done yesterday. You cannot control the traffic jam that makes you 15 minutes late for work. You cannot control the high winds that knocked a large tree onto your house, ripping a gaping hole in the roof. You cannot control your elderly parents’ need for care in a nursing facility, causing you to wrestle with them over selling their home and giving up their freedom.

When you find that you cannot control these situations, your heart beats faster, your blood vessels constrict, your breathing increases and all of this can lead to health problems, exhaustion, self-doubt, and sleep disturbances. However, it is very important to remember that stress will only cause these detrimental effects if you allow it to! Stress is 10 percent what happens to you and 90 percent how you respond. You cannot control other people or situations, but you can control yourself and how you respond. This is great news! You can control 90 percent of the situation, when you thought you had no control at all! It is all how you look at it.

Stress also comes about because we set unreasonable self-expectations, thinking we have to be and do all things for every situation and everyone. Let go of this self-imposed perfectionism (and requiring those around you to be perfect) and enjoy a relaxed attitude, increased energy and greater achievements at work and home.

Yet another reason people are stressed is because they are on 24/7 worry duty in order to handle the “what ifs” of life. Constant worrying will not make the issue turn out the way you want it to, nor will it make the issue go away. It will only further drain your energy and cause more stress. Instead of poisoning your mind with “what if” scenarios, ask “what if not”?

Now that you know the detrimental effects stress can wreak in your life, what can you do about it? Remember, stress is 10 percent what happens to you and 90 percent how you react.

Think of a stressful event in nature, such as a hurricane, and compare it to your life. Hurricanes bring high winds, rain, torment, destruction (people, situations); however, inside the hurricane is what is known as the eye of the storm, where it is completely calm and peaceful (you). You cannot control the winds and waves (people, situations), but you can put yourself in the eye of the storm and control how you will react by staying peaceful and calm.

I can hear you now: “How do I find the calm in the eye of the storm when I am used to being in the thick of the winds and rain?” Patience and perseverance. You have allowed stress and stressful situations to control you for years. Give each of these stress relief tips a try. I guarantee you will begin to notice a difference in how you react to the storm encircling your inner calm.

1. Adopt a new language. Your daily language governs whether you see life as exciting, peaceful, frightening or stressful. If you wake up to “battle a new day”, you begin with a stress state.

2. Let go of tension. Through the day, check in with your body and notice where you are holding tension. Relax your shoulders and your jaw. Are you breathing?

3. Make up your mind that no matter what comes your way, you will be calm. Before you leave the house each day, consciously decide nothing and no one will upset you.

4. Think Positive. Don’t worry about the “what ifs”.

5. Meditate. All you need is one minute. If you don’t have one minute in your day, then we seriously need to talk!

Tips for meditating

n Set a timer for one minute

• Find a comfortable position

• Balance hands, symmetrical and still (i.e. both on lap, both clasped)

• Close eyes, smiling is fine

• Stop mental chatter/ inner thoughts

• Imagine energy encircling your body

• Observe and focus on your normal breath (inhale/exhale naturally, don’t force it or take big breaths)

• Numerous thoughts will come into your mind. It’s ok, just return your attention to your normal breathing and let them go away.

Living stress free does not mean there is no trouble, conflict, challenges or difficult people in your life. Rather it means refusing to allow conflict, people and challenges to affect your response and mood. We can respond with stress or we can respond with calmness and a level head. You decide, and let me know how it goes!•

__________

Sharon McGoff is a graduate of Indiana University Maurer School of Law, a certified personal trainer and health fitness specialist with the American College of Sports Medicine, and a certified life and wellness coach with WellCoaches, Inc. She welcomes your questions or comments at Smcgoff@comcast.net. The opinions expressed are those of the author.

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  1. He called our nation a nation of cowards because we didn't want to talk about race. That was a cheap shot coming from the top cop. The man who decides who gets the federal government indicts. Wow. Not a gentleman if that is the measure. More importantly, this insult delivered as we all understand, to white people-- without him or anybody needing to explain that is precisely what he meant-- but this is an insult to timid white persons who fear the government and don't want to say anything about race for fear of being accused a racist. With all the legal heat that can come down on somebody if they say something which can be construed by a prosecutor like Mr Holder as racist, is it any wonder white people-- that's who he meant obviously-- is there any surprise that white people don't want to talk about race? And as lawyers we have even less freedom lest our remarks be considered violations of the rules. Mr Holder also demonstrated his bias by publically visiting with the family of the young man who was killed by a police offering in the line of duty, which was a very strong indicator of bias agains the offer who is under investigation, and was a failure to lead properly by letting his investigators do their job without him predetermining the proper outcome. He also has potentially biased the jury pool. All in all this worsens race relations by feeding into the perception shared by whites as well as blacks that justice will not be impartial. I will say this much, I do not blame Obama for all of HOlder's missteps. Obama has done a lot of things to stay above the fray and try and be a leader for all Americans. Maybe he should have reigned Holder in some but Obama's got his hands full with other problelms. Oh did I mention HOlder is a bank crony who will probably get a job in a silkstocking law firm working for millions of bucks a year defending bankers whom he didn't have the integrity or courage to hold to account for their acts of fraud on the United States, other financial institutions, and the people. His tenure will be regarded by history as a failure of leadership at one of the most important jobs in our nation. Finally and most importantly besides him insulting the public and letting off the big financial cheats, he has been at the forefront of over-prosecuting the secrecy laws to punish whistleblowers and chill free speech. What has Holder done to vindicate the rights of privacy of the American public against the illegal snooping of the NSA? He could have charged NSA personnel with violations of law for their warrantless wiretapping which has been done millions of times and instead he did not persecute a single soul. That is a defalcation of historical proportions and it signals to the public that the government DOJ under him was not willing to do a damn thing to protect the public against the rapid growth of the illegal surveillance state. Who else could have done this? Nobody. And for that omission Obama deserves the blame too. Here were are sliding into a police state and Eric Holder made it go all the faster.

  2. JOE CLAYPOOL candidate for Superior Court in Harrison County - Indiana This candidate is misleading voters to think he is a Judge by putting Elect Judge Joe Claypool on his campaign literature. paragraphs 2 and 9 below clearly indicate this injustice to voting public to gain employment. What can we do? Indiana Code - Section 35-43-5-3: Deception (a) A person who: (1) being an officer, manager, or other person participating in the direction of a credit institution, knowingly or intentionally receives or permits the receipt of a deposit or other investment, knowing that the institution is insolvent; (2) knowingly or intentionally makes a false or misleading written statement with intent to obtain property, employment, or an educational opportunity; (3) misapplies entrusted property, property of a governmental entity, or property of a credit institution in a manner that the person knows is unlawful or that the person knows involves substantial risk of loss or detriment to either the owner of the property or to a person for whose benefit the property was entrusted; (4) knowingly or intentionally, in the regular course of business, either: (A) uses or possesses for use a false weight or measure or other device for falsely determining or recording the quality or quantity of any commodity; or (B) sells, offers, or displays for sale or delivers less than the represented quality or quantity of any commodity; (5) with intent to defraud another person furnishing electricity, gas, water, telecommunication, or any other utility service, avoids a lawful charge for that service by scheme or device or by tampering with facilities or equipment of the person furnishing the service; (6) with intent to defraud, misrepresents the identity of the person or another person or the identity or quality of property; (7) with intent to defraud an owner of a coin machine, deposits a slug in that machine; (8) with intent to enable the person or another person to deposit a slug in a coin machine, makes, possesses, or disposes of a slug; (9) disseminates to the public an advertisement that the person knows is false, misleading, or deceptive, with intent to promote the purchase or sale of property or the acceptance of employment;

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  4. I grew up on a farm and live in the county and it's interesting that the big industrial farmers like Jeff Shoaf don't live next to their industrial operations...

  5. So that none are misinformed by my posting wihtout a non de plume here, please allow me to state that I am NOT an Indiana licensed attorney, although I am an Indiana resident approved to practice law and represent clients in Indiana's fed court of Nth Dist and before the 7th circuit. I remain licensed in KS, since 1996, no discipline. This must be clarified since the IN court records will reveal that I did sit for and pass the Indiana bar last February. Yet be not confused by the fact that I was so allowed to be tested .... I am not, to be clear in the service of my duty to be absolutely candid about this, I AM NOT a member of the Indiana bar, and might never be so licensed given my unrepented from errors of thought documented in this opinion, at fn2, which likely supports Mr Smith's initial post in this thread: http://caselaw.findlaw.com/us-7th-circuit/1592921.html

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