ILNews

Living Fit: Stress management involves learning to control reactions

October 9, 2013
Keywords
Back to TopCommentsE-mailPrintBookmark and Share

mcgoffAs a young lawyer, I had a recurring dream in which I had moved to a remote mountain cabin, deep in a wooded forest, with majestic mountains in my backyard and a waterfall that fed into a crystal clear lake in my front yard. I awoke each day to the sunrise, fresh mountain air and the energy of the calm environment. There were no phones, computers, demanding clients, irritated family members, traffic or boring social commitments. No stress. I felt relaxed, at peace and calm, thinking about this wonderful life.

Suddenly, my tranquil thoughts were shattered by an annoying sound; my alarm clock. As I slammed the clock to keep it from buzzing, I realized I was not in the mountains, but instead waking up to face yet another stressful day as a young lawyer, overcommitted in every aspect of my life and dreading what the day might bring.

Over the years, I realized the stressful days I dreaded did not have to be perceived by me as such. With patience and perseverance, I realized what caused me (and most people) to experience stress, and I changed my thinking about life’s challenges.

In my current profession as a corporate health coach, I am frequently asked, “How can I get rid of stress?” Everyone expects a one-sentence quick fix to this predicament that has faced humans for hundreds of years. The truth is you cannot get rid of stress. Stressful situations will always be there, no matter your age, socioeconomic status, or profession. But, what you can do is change your thoughts about stress.

First, a few words about stress and the detrimental effects it can have on us. It is true that worry and stress can weaken our immune systems and lead to heart disease, cancer, GI disorders, and mental health problems. 75 to 90 percent of all primary care physician visits are related to stress. Stress can deplete your energy, take away your creativity, decrease your decision-making ability and leave you in a continual state of exhaustion. Stress can result in negative self-talk and unreasonable self-expectations. Stress can lead to sleep deprivation as you lie awake night after night, worrying about “what ifs” that often never happen.

If stress can cause all of these ailments and problems, why do we allow it to take a front seat in our lives?

Many of us experience stress when we lack control over a situation, whether in our homes, at work or in our social circles. You cannot control the difficult client or boss who wants the project done yesterday. You cannot control the traffic jam that makes you 15 minutes late for work. You cannot control the high winds that knocked a large tree onto your house, ripping a gaping hole in the roof. You cannot control your elderly parents’ need for care in a nursing facility, causing you to wrestle with them over selling their home and giving up their freedom.

When you find that you cannot control these situations, your heart beats faster, your blood vessels constrict, your breathing increases and all of this can lead to health problems, exhaustion, self-doubt, and sleep disturbances. However, it is very important to remember that stress will only cause these detrimental effects if you allow it to! Stress is 10 percent what happens to you and 90 percent how you respond. You cannot control other people or situations, but you can control yourself and how you respond. This is great news! You can control 90 percent of the situation, when you thought you had no control at all! It is all how you look at it.

Stress also comes about because we set unreasonable self-expectations, thinking we have to be and do all things for every situation and everyone. Let go of this self-imposed perfectionism (and requiring those around you to be perfect) and enjoy a relaxed attitude, increased energy and greater achievements at work and home.

Yet another reason people are stressed is because they are on 24/7 worry duty in order to handle the “what ifs” of life. Constant worrying will not make the issue turn out the way you want it to, nor will it make the issue go away. It will only further drain your energy and cause more stress. Instead of poisoning your mind with “what if” scenarios, ask “what if not”?

Now that you know the detrimental effects stress can wreak in your life, what can you do about it? Remember, stress is 10 percent what happens to you and 90 percent how you react.

Think of a stressful event in nature, such as a hurricane, and compare it to your life. Hurricanes bring high winds, rain, torment, destruction (people, situations); however, inside the hurricane is what is known as the eye of the storm, where it is completely calm and peaceful (you). You cannot control the winds and waves (people, situations), but you can put yourself in the eye of the storm and control how you will react by staying peaceful and calm.

I can hear you now: “How do I find the calm in the eye of the storm when I am used to being in the thick of the winds and rain?” Patience and perseverance. You have allowed stress and stressful situations to control you for years. Give each of these stress relief tips a try. I guarantee you will begin to notice a difference in how you react to the storm encircling your inner calm.

1. Adopt a new language. Your daily language governs whether you see life as exciting, peaceful, frightening or stressful. If you wake up to “battle a new day”, you begin with a stress state.

2. Let go of tension. Through the day, check in with your body and notice where you are holding tension. Relax your shoulders and your jaw. Are you breathing?

3. Make up your mind that no matter what comes your way, you will be calm. Before you leave the house each day, consciously decide nothing and no one will upset you.

4. Think Positive. Don’t worry about the “what ifs”.

5. Meditate. All you need is one minute. If you don’t have one minute in your day, then we seriously need to talk!

Tips for meditating

n Set a timer for one minute

• Find a comfortable position

• Balance hands, symmetrical and still (i.e. both on lap, both clasped)

• Close eyes, smiling is fine

• Stop mental chatter/ inner thoughts

• Imagine energy encircling your body

• Observe and focus on your normal breath (inhale/exhale naturally, don’t force it or take big breaths)

• Numerous thoughts will come into your mind. It’s ok, just return your attention to your normal breathing and let them go away.

Living stress free does not mean there is no trouble, conflict, challenges or difficult people in your life. Rather it means refusing to allow conflict, people and challenges to affect your response and mood. We can respond with stress or we can respond with calmness and a level head. You decide, and let me know how it goes!•

__________

Sharon McGoff is a graduate of Indiana University Maurer School of Law, a certified personal trainer and health fitness specialist with the American College of Sports Medicine, and a certified life and wellness coach with WellCoaches, Inc. She welcomes your questions or comments at Smcgoff@comcast.net. The opinions expressed are those of the author.

ADVERTISEMENT

Post a comment to this story

COMMENTS POLICY
We reserve the right to remove any post that we feel is obscene, profane, vulgar, racist, sexually explicit, abusive, or hateful.
 
You are legally responsible for what you post and your anonymity is not guaranteed.
 
Posts that insult, defame, threaten, harass or abuse other readers or people mentioned in Indiana Lawyer editorial content are also subject to removal. Please respect the privacy of individuals and refrain from posting personal information.
 
No solicitations, spamming or advertisements are allowed. Readers may post links to other informational websites that are relevant to the topic at hand, but please do not link to objectionable material.
 
We may remove messages that are unrelated to the topic, encourage illegal activity, use all capital letters or are unreadable.
 

Messages that are flagged by readers as objectionable will be reviewed and may or may not be removed. Please do not flag a post simply because you disagree with it.

Sponsored by
ADVERTISEMENT
Subscribe to Indiana Lawyer
  1. Hysteria? Really Ben? Tell the young lady reported on in the link below that worrying about the sexualizing of our children is mere hysteria. Such thinking is common in the Royal Order of Jesters and other running sex vacays in Thailand or Brazil ... like Indy's Jared Fogle. Those tempted to call such concerns mere histronics need to think on this: http://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/a-12-year-old-girl-live-streamed-her-suicide-it-took-two-weeks-for-facebook-to-take-the-video-down/ar-AAlT8ka?li=AA4ZnC&ocid=spartanntp

  2. Hi I am Mr Damian Parker the creditor of Private loans, and I'm here to make your dreams come true to get a loan. Do you need a loan urgently? Do you need a loan to pay off your debts? Do you need a loan for expansion of your business or start your own business, we are here for you with a low interest rate of 3% and you can get a credit of 1,000 to 100,000,000.00 the maximum loan amount and up to 20 years loan duration. Contact us today for more information at dparkerservices@hotmail.com

  3. This is happening so much. Even in 2016.2017. I hope the father sue for civil rights violation. I hope he sue as more are doing and even without a lawyer as pro-se, he got a good one here. God bless him.

  4. JLAP and other courtiers ... Those running court systems, have most substance abuse issues. Probably self medicating to cover conscience issues arising out of acts furthering govt corruption

  5. I whole-heartedly agree with Doug Church's comment, above. Indiana lawyers were especially fortunate to benefit from Tom Pyrz' leadership and foresight at a time when there has been unprecedented change in the legal profession. Consider how dramatically computer technology and its role in the practice of law have changed over the last 25 years. The impact of the great recession of 2008 dramatically changed the composition and structure of law firms across the country. Economic pressures altered what had long been a routine, robust annual recruitment process for law students and recent law school graduates. That has, in turn, impacted law school enrollment across the country, placing upward pressure on law school tuition. The internet continues to drive significant changes in the provision of legal services in both public and private sectors. The ISBA has worked to make quality legal representation accessible and affordable for all who need it and to raise general public understanding of Indiana laws and procedures. How difficult it would have been to tackle each of these issues without Tom's leadership. Tom has set the tone for positive change at the ISBA to meet the evolving practice needs of lawyers of all backgrounds and ages. He has led the organization with vision, patience, flexibility, commitment, thoughtfulness & even humor. He will, indeed, be a tough act to follow. Thank you, Tom, for all you've done and all the energy you've invested in making the ISBA an excellent, progressive, highly responsive, all-inclusive, respectful & respected professional association during his tenure there.

ADVERTISEMENT