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Michael J. Hebenstreit: Life Rushing By

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IBA-hebenstreitLife moments. Some may be an accomplishment (winning a big trial), a disappointment, a funeral or a seemingly insignificant event. We all have them—some good, some not so good, but they are those events that for some reason stick with us for a lifetime. One of mine occurred about 20 years ago. I was accompanying my son on a Boy Scout camping trip and the other young Scouts kept addressing someone they called “Mr. Hebenstreit.” That had always been my Dad, but it dawned on me that even though I did not feel particularly old or grown up at that time, they were referring to me, not my dad. They reminded me that I was older than I thought. A real life moment.

This summer, we have just finished a marathon of five weddings on five consecutive weekends. They took us to Hilton Head Island, Peoria, Oxford, Ohio and two were actually here in Indy. Although they certainly dominated our social calendar, all were quite fun. Four of them involved the weddings of children of our good friends and two involved “kids” who were also very close friends of our children.

The final wedding was for the daughter of my law partner, Greg Zubek. Mollie and our youngest son met in pre-kindergarten and have been close friends ever since. In fact, it was probably their friendship that encouraged the conversations between Greg and me that lead to our practicing together.

As I watched all of these young men and women walk down the aisle to begin the new chapter of their lives, I was stuck with the thought that an entire lifetime had passed in front of my eyes. We have known the parents for decades and watched those “children” grow up through various school events, sports, school troubles and successes, and vacations and have been a part of their lives. Now each was heading out and forging new lives. We enjoyed seeing our friends and being a part of this new experience for their children. It was a life moment that was about life passages.

Weddings and funerals are two life moments that create unique challenges and opportunities. How much does it really mean for the person or family to see you at the wedding or attend the funeral? It is easy to diminish the importance and find excuses for not making the effort. We all are busy and have too much to do already. The importance of reaching out to friends really hit home at Mollie’s wedding. Our son had debated if it made sense to fly in from LA just for the weekend when he knew he really would not have much of a chance to actually talk with the bride. When Mollie saw Kyle in the church, she actually started crying. That simple moment was worth a king’s ransom. Like most folks these days, they stay in touch by Facebook and the other forms of social media, but that face to face interaction obviously meant so much. A real life moment.

Every legal publication we pick up these days has at least one article about life / work / career balance. How do we juggle home life, career, the practice, the family and still make it all work for us. Why is it important? I really don’t think my parents devoted any time thinking about their life/work balance. They were too concerned about raising four children, paying the bills and getting all of us educated to have time to worry about their own happiness.

Recently, I have spoken with age contemporaries in bigger firms who have commented that they are confounded by the perceived lack of work ethic in the young associates in their firms. Many are nowhere to be seen after 5:00 PM. Perhaps they are working from home remotely after they put the children to bed, perhaps not. There is nothing wrong with hard work. After all, that is the foundation upon which our society has been built and supported. Virtually anything worth accomplishing comes as a result of hard work. It is a necessary part of our lives. But along with that hard work comes the challenge of creating positive life moments. Through all of these weddings, it has become very clear to me that it is critical to not only develop friendships, but to maintain them throughout your life. It enriches life, gives it special meaning and puts everything in perspective. Work hard, play hard, but don’t forget to make time for friends.•

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  1. MCBA .... time for a new release about your entire membership (or is it just the alter ego) being "saddened and disappointed" in the failure to lynch a police officer protecting himself in the line of duty. But this time against Eric Holder and the Federal Bureau of Investigation: "WASHINGTON — Justice Department lawyers will recommend that no civil rights charges be brought against the police officer who fatally shot an unarmed teenager in Ferguson, Mo., after an F.B.I. investigation found no evidence to support charges, law enforcement officials said Wednesday." http://www.nytimes.com/2015/01/22/us/justice-department-ferguson-civil-rights-darren-wilson.html?ref=us&_r=0

  2. Dr wail asfour lives 3 hours from the hospital,where if he gets an emergency at least he needs three hours,while even if he is on call he should be in a location where it gives him max 10 minutes to be beside the patient,they get paid double on their on call days ,where look how they handle it,so if the death of the patient occurs on weekend and these doctors still repeat same pattern such issue should be raised,they should be closer to the patient.on other hand if all the death occured on the absence of the Dr and the nurses handle it,the nurses should get trained how to function appearntly they not that good,if the Dr lives 3 hours far from the hospital on his call days he should sleep in the hospital

  3. It's a capital offense...one for you Latin scholars..

  4. I would like to suggest that you train those who search and help others, to be a Confidential Intermediary. Original Birth Certificates should not be handed out "willie nillie". There are many Birth Parents that have never told any of their families about, much less their Husband and Children about a baby born prior to their Mother's marriage. You can't go directly to her house, knock on her door and say I am the baby that you had years ago. This is what an Intermediary does as well as the search. They are appointed by by the Court after going through training and being Certified. If you would like, I can make a copy of my Certificate to give you an idea. you will need to attend classes and be certified then sworn in to follow the laws. I still am active and working on 5 cases at this time. Considering the fact that I am listed as a Senior Citizen, that's not at all bad. Being Certified is a protection for you as well as the Birth Mother. I have worked with many adoptees as well as the Birth Parents. They will also need understanding, guidance, and emotional help to deal with their own lost child and the love and fear that they have had locked up for all these years. If I could talk with those involved with the legal end, as well as those who do the searches and the Birth Mothers that lost their child, we JUST might find an answer that helps all of those involved. I hope that this will help you and others in the future. If you need to talk, I am listed with the Adoption Agencies here in Michigan. They can give you my phone number. My email address is as follows jatoz8@yahoo.com. Make sure that you use the word ADOPTION as the subject. Thank you for reading my message. Jeanette Abronowitz.

  5. The promise of "Not to Tell" is the biggest lie ever given to a Birth Mother. THERE WERE NEVER ANY PROMISES GIVEN TO ANY OF US. One of the lies used to entice us to give up our Babies. There were many tactics used to try to convince us that it was best for Mother and Baby to cut the cord at birth. They have no idea of the pain and heartache that was caused by their attitude. The only thing that mattered was how great and wonderful they appeared to the prospective parents and their community. I completed my search, but that didn't stop the pain, heartbreak and the tears of the last 62 Years. I keep track and do know that he is alive, well educated and a musician. That little knowledge in itself is a Godsend to me. I pray that other Mothers also know that much and more to help heal their pain and open wounds. open wounds.

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