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Quality of Life: Life's curve balls require good coping skills

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While most of the country is concentrating on March Madness, my thoughts have turned to America's national pastime - and the concept of the curve ball (and not just because I had picked Kansas to win the NCAA Championship).

What happens when life is humming along just fine and suddenly you're up to bat and the unanticipated curve ball causes you to strike out? What do you do?

The curve ball can take many forms: the diagnosis of a serious illness; the death of a family member or friend; the unexpected end of a marriage; the demise of a business or loss of a job; or even the loss of property or loved ones in a natural disaster. The curve ball comes in many shapes and sizes, but the common denominator is that there was no predicting it.

How well you survive such a situation depends largely upon your coping skills and your ability to react to negative circumstances in a healthy manner. This can be somewhat difficult for attorneys for a number of reasons. First, attorneys tend to want to control situations. By definition, the curve ball is something that we cannot control. This can leave us feeling helpless and at the mercy of others, whether it be doctors or exiting clients. The feeling of helplessness can manifest as anger, sadness, depression, or a variety of other emotions. The first step to coping with the curve ball is to allow yourself to express those emotions. Don't bottle up your feelings or attempt to "tough it out" on your own. Try to rid yourself of anger in as constructive a manner as possible. Releasing negative emotions can put you in a much better frame of mind for making clear-headed decisions as you progress through the situation.

To cope with sadness or feelings of devastation or loss, enlist the help of family, trusted friends, clergy, or a professional therapist. This is often difficult for an attorney because we have been trained to provide help to others, not to accept it. Allowing yourself to accept help from others is a significant step toward dealing with unforeseen circumstances.

In a way, attorneys are short changed because they never receive training in how to take care of themselves, in direct contrast to the training received by physicians or therapists, or others in professions that deal with carrying the burdens of others. Other helping professionals receive training in self-care because of the psychological toll that comes from being responsible for the problems of others. Little wonder that attorneys might not be equipped to handle the curve balls in their own lives.

Lawyers are problem-solvers. They want to get to the root of the problem, analyze it, make sense of it, and fix it. The very nature of the curve ball, however, is that all of the analysis in the world won't result in making sense of it, or help in creating a solution. Sometimes the situation is just unfair and senseless.

So, what can you do? After you deal with the initial emotional fallout as well as you can, you should ask yourself some questions:

What do I need to get through this? How can I get that need met?

Is the situation one that I have the energy to fight? If so, what help can I enlist to do so?

What will it take for me to let go or accept the situation?

Answering these questions can help you to chart a path for action. Above all, be kind to yourself. Many find it helpful to turn the problem over to a Higher Power. Whether for you that means prayer or meditation, it can be helpful. Studies have shown the effectiveness of prayer and meditation in the healing process. Remember that you don't have to handle these situations alone. Give yourself time for reflection. Let other people take care of you for a change. Try to be patient. And remember that as trite as it sounds, time heals.

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  1. Can I get this form on line,if not where can I obtain one. I am eligible.

  2. What a fine example of the best of the Hoosier tradition! How sad that the AP has to include partisan snark in the obit for this great American patriot and adventurer.

  3. Why are all these lawyers yakking to the media about pending matters? Trial by media? What the devil happened to not making extrajudicial statements? The system is falling apart.

  4. It is a sad story indeed as this couple has been only in survival mode, NOT found guilty with Ponzi, shaken down for 5 years and pursued by prosecution that has been ignited by a civil suit with very deep pockets wrenched in their bitterness...It has been said that many of us are breaking an average of 300 federal laws a day without even knowing it. Structuring laws, & civilForfeiture laws are among the scariest that need to be restructured or repealed . These laws were initially created for drug Lords and laundering money and now reach over that line. Here you have a couple that took out their own money, not drug money, not laundering. Yes...Many upset that they lost money...but how much did they make before it all fell apart? No one ask that question? A civil suit against Williams was awarded because he has no more money to fight...they pushed for a break in order...they took all his belongings...even underwear, shoes and clothes? who does that? What allows that? Maybe if you had the picture of him purchasing a jacket at the Goodwill just to go to court the next day...his enemy may be satisfied? But not likely...bitterness is a master. For happy ending lovers, you will be happy to know they have a faith that has changed their world and a solid love that many of us can only dream about. They will spend their time in federal jail for taking their money from their account, but at the end of the day they have loyal friends, a true love and a hope of a new life in time...and none of that can be bought or taken That is the real story.

  5. Could be his email did something especially heinous, really over the top like questioning Ind S.Ct. officials or accusing JLAP of being the political correctness police.

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