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Sidebars: Landmark serves up more than history

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Indiana Lawyer Commentary

Sometimes you just have to say, “Ahh, what the hell?”

Having been privileged to attend the historic investiture of the Hon. Tanya Walton Pratt to the United States District Court for the Southern District of Indiana, I was able to learn the secret as to how one esteemed judge of the Southern District decides difficult cases. The Hon. Sarah Evans Barker quipped at the ceremony that sometimes with a difficult case you just say, “. . . ahh, what the hell?” and then decide. Taking a stab at the 7th Circuit appellate jurists, Judge Barker opined her reasoning is often better than theirs.

So, one brilliant autumn day Jenny and I employed Judge Barker’s philosophy. We, along with our associate Tyler Helmond, had a rare day with no afternoon court commitments. We decided to make the trek to Zaharakos, a recently restored historic landmark restaurant near the courthouse in Columbus, Indiana.

Zaharakos first opened as a candy store in 1900 and it quickly evolved into one of this country’s finest ice cream parlors. It eventually matriculated into a full-service restaurant in addition to its ice cream and soda specialties. Greeted by a smiling staff, an impressive 50-foot onyx bar, and deeply rich mahogany walls, from the moment you enter it is like taking a step back in time.

Jenny ordered the corn chowder soup du jour, while I went with a cup of chili for starters. I know Jenny pretty well. She typically is a loquacious sort. When she is silent when eating, aside from a few muffled groans, she likes her food. When she incessantly talks, that means she doesn’t. It is safe to say this was a relatively quiet lunch.

My chili reminded me of Mom’s. Meaty and laced with stewed tomato chunks and beans. Not overbearingly spicy, just a flavorful, uncomplicated dish. In short, it was wonderful.

Next came the entrees. Jenny ordered the Gom sandwich; basically a flavorful Sloppy Joe with cheese, a.k.a., Gom Cheese Brr-Grr, grilled Panini-style between two slices of thick white bread, which I think was sourdough although the menu represented otherwise. Again, more silence from her with the exception of her offering me a taste. I was glad she did. This was far from Manwich® and Wonder® buns.

Tyler went with the Artisan Grilled Cheese and Avocado. This sandwich was again served Panini-style and consisted of provolone and parmesan cheeses along with avocados and tomatoes. Another far cry from your basic grilled cheese.

I ordered off the small appetite menu and selected a Coney dog with cheese. How they concluded this was for small appetites is beyond me because the dog was a full quarter-pound, beef frank, remarkably similar to a Nathan’s Hot Dog®. Topped with a meaty Coney sauce that stood apart from the chili, this would have been satisfying enough on its own if it weren’t for the fabulous fries that we ordered with the sandwiches. About a quarter-inch thick and golden brown with the skin on these perfectly complemented the sandwiches.

Despite not being hungry, in the best interest of you, the readers, we had to order ice cream. I chose an ice cream float, comprised of vanilla ice cream and raspberry soda. Tyler opted for a root beer soda and while Jenny eyed the five-scoop “Big-Z,” we talked her down to a brownie sundae. My only criticism of the sodas and the drinks in general is their authenticity. Just as the restoration of this historic landmark is painstakingly detailed, that same historic character translates to the sodas. The straws they use for the drinks are truly old-fashioned paper straws that, well, taste like paper. So these straws distract a bit from the experience but in a strange way add to the historic significance of this place.

So, someday employ Judge Barker’s philosophy and say, “ahh, what the hell?” We were there and back in about two hours, easy enough for those practicing from Indianapolis southward to accomplish. Better yet, it is only 3 miles off Interstate 65 so if you are traveling with your family at some point, take a small detour and go for lunch or dinner. Experience a bit, and bite, of Indiana history. Zaharakos, 329 Washington Street, Columbus, IN 47201. (812) 378-1900. www.zaharakos.com.•

____________

Fred Vaiana and Jennifer M. Lukemeyer practice at Voyles Zahn Paul Hogan & Merriman in Indianapolis, focusing in criminal defense. Vaiana is a 1992 graduate of the John Marshall Law School in Chicago. Lukemeyer earned her J.D. from Southern Methodist University in 1994 and is active in the Indianapolis Bar Association, Indianapolis Inn of Courts, and the Teen Court Program. The opinions expressed in this column are the authors’.

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  1. All the lawyers involved in this don't add up to a hill of beans; mostly yes-men punching their tickets for future advancement. REMF types. Window dressing. Who in this mess was a real hero? the whistleblower that let the public know about the torture, whom the US sent to Jail. John Kyriakou. http://www.nytimes.com/2013/01/26/us/ex-officer-for-cia-is-sentenced-in-leak-case.html?_r=0 Now, considering that Torture is Illegal, considering that during Vietnam a soldier was court-martialed and imprisoned for waterboarding, why has the whistleblower gone to jail but none of the torturers have been held to account? It's amazing that Uncle Sam's sunk lower than Vietnam. But that's where we're at. An even more unjust and pointless war conducted in an even more bogus manner. this from npr: "On Jan. 21, 1968, The Washington Post ran a front-page photo of a U.S. soldier supervising the waterboarding of a captured North Vietnamese soldier. The caption said the technique induced "a flooding sense of suffocation and drowning, meant to make him talk." The picture led to an Army investigation and, two months later, the court martial of the soldier." Today, the US itself has become lawless.

  2. "Brain Damage" alright.... The lunatic is on the grass/ The lunatic is on the grass/ Remembering games and daisy chains and laughs/ Got to keep the loonies on the path.... The lunatic is in the hall/ The lunatics are in my hall/ The paper holds their folded faces to the floor/ And every day the paper boy brings more/ And if the dam breaks open many years too soon/ And if there is no room upon the hill/ And if your head explodes with dark forbodings too/ I'll see you on the dark side of the moon!!!

  3. It is amazing how selectively courts can read cases and how two very similar factpatterns can result in quite different renderings. I cited this very same argument in Brown v. Bowman, lost. I guess it is panel, panel, panel when one is on appeal. Sad thing is, I had Sykes. Same argument, she went the opposite. Her Rooker-Feldman jurisprudence is now decidedly unintelligible.

  4. November, 2014, I was charged with OWI/Endangering a person. I was not given a Breathalyzer test and the arresting officer did not believe that alcohol was in any way involved. I was self-overmedicated with prescription medications. I was taken to local hospital for blood draw to be sent to State Tox Lab. My attorney gave me a cookie-cutter plea which amounts to an ALCOHOL-related charge. Totally unacceptable!! HOW can I get my TOX report from the state lab???

  5. My mother got temporary guardianship of my children in 2012. my husband and I got divorced 2015 the judge ordered me to have full custody of all my children. Does this mean the temporary guardianship is over? I'm confused because my divorce papers say I have custody and he gets visits and i get to claim the kids every year on my taxes. So just wondered since I have in black and white that I have custody if I can go get my kids from my moms and not go to jail?

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