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Making Rain: When a room full of strangers freaks you out

Dona Stohler
August 13, 2014
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MakingRain.jpgAs most good rainmakers know, it is all about networking, and sometimes this means talking to people who are total strangers. It can be daunting to attend an event that your firm is sponsoring or a conference that your target market attends and be expected to “go out there and make new friends.” There are ways you can make this easier on yourself and be more strategic about how you use these opportunities.

First of all, it is good to have a purpose. Set some goals you would like to accomplish while you are there. These goals can be things like meet at least two people who I do not know or ask someone I know to introduce me to at least three people they know. By doing this, you will have a goal in mind when you walk in the room and it will distract you from being nervous or feeling awkward about showing up where you may not know anyone.

It’s also good to keep in mind that you are not there to actually hand someone an engagement letter. You are just there to learn enough about someone else that you have a reason to get back together with them or stay in touch with them. So, take the pressure off yourself and just try to talk to people about things that will give you enough information to have a jumping off point for another conversation.

Another idea that may help put you at ease is to think of yourself as someone who is attending to put people together. You are there so that you can help. You are the host/hostess and want to make sure everyone has a good time and meaningful conversations. When you talk to these “perfect strangers,” you will be asking them questions so you can introduce them to others. An example might be that you start talking to Fred. You ask him what he likes to do when he’s not working and he says skydiving. You see another person you want to meet, so you say, “I’d like you to meet Fred. He skydives. Oh, and by the way, I’m Julie.”

Part of your goal setting may be to try to find a particular person you want to meet who is planning to attend. For many events, especially ones your firm sponsors, you can get the attendee list ahead of the event. Look at it and see if any of your prospects are on it. If so, one of your goals is to ask around to find someone who knows this person and can introduce you. If you can’t get the list ahead of time, look to see who is on the organization’s board of directors. There may be some people on their board that you would like to meet. It is a great way to break the ice with someone you don’t know by simply asking them if they know the person you are trying to find.

Have some good questions in mind to ask once you introduce yourself to someone. Chit-chat and talking about the weather might be great for purely social situations, but you are there to meet your next big client. Ask questions that are going to be engaging enough that you have a reason to talk to this person again. Some examples are:

• What is the most exciting thing happening at your company right now?

• What do you like most about what you do?

• What is the most challenging thing happening in your industry?

• What made you decide to attend this event?

• How do you like this event compared to others you have attended recently?

• What is the profile of your typical customer/client?

You also want to have an exit strategy. You don’t want to get stuck talking to the same person for the duration of the event. To avoid this, there are a couple things you can do. One is to approach pairs or small groups, not people standing by themselves. By talking to two people who are already talking, you can easily break away from them without leaving someone standing alone.

If you are stuck with one person, introduce them to someone you know that happens to be nearby and then tactfully excuse yourself and move on. Or if you have asked the right questions you will know what kind of person they would like to meet. Help them find that person and introduce them, then move on.

If you try all this and it feels much better, congratulations, you have survived the first phase of this process. You attended the event and you have made a few connections. It isn’t time to stop now. Ask yourself these questions:

• Did I meet someone who I can continue a conversation with over coffee, breakfast or lunch?

• Did I meet someone who can help introduce me to a prospect?

• Did I have at least one productive conversation that will enable me to contact this person to help them solve a problem?

• Did I find at least one of the people on my prospect list that I was looking for?

Hopefully, you can say “yes” to at least one of these questions. If you can, then the next steps are up to you. Follow up and continue the relationship-building process. Set a time to get back together with your new connections in a few weeks or a month. Before you know it, you will be well on your way to finding a new client or good referral source.

Turning dread into a purpose that you have prepared for will change the way you look at the role you play when confronted with attending your next event. Maybe a room full to strangers won’t result in you feeling excited and energized, but it will no longer freak you out.•

__________

Dona Stohler of S2 Law Firm Strategies provides consulting services on business development and marketing for law firms. Stohler has more than a decade of experience in the legal services industry and is the past chair of the U.S. Law Firm Group marketing committee. She can be reached at dsstohler@s2lawfirmstrategies.com or through www.S2lawfirmstrategies.com. The opinions expressed are those of the author.

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  1. I have been on this program while on parole from 2011-2013. No person should be forced mentally to share private details of their personal life with total strangers. Also giving permission for a mental therapist to report to your parole agent that your not participating in group therapy because you don't have the financial mean to be in the group therapy. I was personally singled out and sent back three times for not having money and also sent back within the six month when you aren't to be sent according to state law. I will work to het this INSOMM's removed from this state. I also had twelve or thirteen parole agents with a fifteen month period. Thanks for your time.

  2. Our nation produces very few jurists of the caliber of Justice DOUGLAS and his peers these days. Here is that great civil libertarian, who recognized government as both a blessing and, when corrupted by ideological interests, a curse: "Once the investigator has only the conscience of government as a guide, the conscience can become ‘ravenous,’ as Cromwell, bent on destroying Thomas More, said in Bolt, A Man For All Seasons (1960), p. 120. The First Amendment mirrors many episodes where men, harried and harassed by government, sought refuge in their conscience, as these lines of Thomas More show: ‘MORE: And when we stand before God, and you are sent to Paradise for doing according to your conscience, *575 and I am damned for not doing according to mine, will you come with me, for fellowship? ‘CRANMER: So those of us whose names are there are damned, Sir Thomas? ‘MORE: I don't know, Your Grace. I have no window to look into another man's conscience. I condemn no one. ‘CRANMER: Then the matter is capable of question? ‘MORE: Certainly. ‘CRANMER: But that you owe obedience to your King is not capable of question. So weigh a doubt against a certainty—and sign. ‘MORE: Some men think the Earth is round, others think it flat; it is a matter capable of question. But if it is flat, will the King's command make it round? And if it is round, will the King's command flatten it? No, I will not sign.’ Id., pp. 132—133. DOUGLAS THEN WROTE: Where government is the Big Brother,11 privacy gives way to surveillance. **909 But our commitment is otherwise. *576 By the First Amendment we have staked our security on freedom to promote a multiplicity of ideas, to associate at will with kindred spirits, and to defy governmental intrusion into these precincts" Gibson v. Florida Legislative Investigation Comm., 372 U.S. 539, 574-76, 83 S. Ct. 889, 908-09, 9 L. Ed. 2d 929 (1963) Mr. Justice DOUGLAS, concurring. I write: Happy Memorial Day to all -- God please bless our fallen who lived and died to preserve constitutional governance in our wonderful series of Republics. And God open the eyes of those government officials who denounce the constitutions of these Republics by arbitrary actions arising out capricious motives.

  3. From back in the day before secularism got a stranglehold on Hoosier jurists comes this great excerpt via Indiana federal court judge Allan Sharp, dedicated to those many Indiana government attorneys (with whom I have dealt) who count the law as a mere tool, an optional tool that is not to be used when political correctness compels a more acceptable result than merely following the path that the law directs: ALLEN SHARP, District Judge. I. In a scene following a visit by Henry VIII to the home of Sir Thomas More, playwriter Robert Bolt puts the following words into the mouths of his characters: Margaret: Father, that man's bad. MORE: There is no law against that. ROPER: There is! God's law! MORE: Then God can arrest him. ROPER: Sophistication upon sophistication! MORE: No, sheer simplicity. The law, Roper, the law. I know what's legal not what's right. And I'll stick to what's legal. ROPER: Then you set man's law above God's! MORE: No, far below; but let me draw your attention to a fact I'm not God. The currents and eddies of right and wrong, which you find such plain sailing, I can't navigate. I'm no voyager. But in the thickets of law, oh, there I'm a forester. I doubt if there's a man alive who could follow me there, thank God... ALICE: (Exasperated, pointing after Rich) While you talk, he's gone! MORE: And go he should, if he was the Devil himself, until he broke the law! ROPER: So now you'd give the Devil benefit of law! MORE: Yes. What would you do? Cut a great road through the law to get after the Devil? ROPER: I'd cut down every law in England to do that! MORE: (Roused and excited) Oh? (Advances on Roper) And when the last law was down, and the Devil turned round on you where would you hide, Roper, the laws being flat? (He leaves *1257 him) This country's planted thick with laws from coast to coast man's laws, not God's and if you cut them down and you're just the man to do it d'you really think you would stand upright in the winds that would blow then? (Quietly) Yes, I'd give the Devil benefit of law, for my own safety's sake. ROPER: I have long suspected this; this is the golden calf; the law's your god. MORE: (Wearily) Oh, Roper, you're a fool, God's my god... (Rather bitterly) But I find him rather too (Very bitterly) subtle... I don't know where he is nor what he wants. ROPER: My God wants service, to the end and unremitting; nothing else! MORE: (Dryly) Are you sure that's God! He sounds like Moloch. But indeed it may be God And whoever hunts for me, Roper, God or Devil, will find me hiding in the thickets of the law! And I'll hide my daughter with me! Not hoist her up the mainmast of your seagoing principles! They put about too nimbly! (Exit More. They all look after him). Pgs. 65-67, A MAN FOR ALL SEASONS A Play in Two Acts, Robert Bolt, Random House, New York, 1960. Linley E. Pearson, Atty. Gen. of Indiana, Indianapolis, for defendants. Childs v. Duckworth, 509 F. Supp. 1254, 1256 (N.D. Ind. 1981) aff'd, 705 F.2d 915 (7th Cir. 1983)

  4. "Meanwhile small- and mid-size firms are getting squeezed and likely will not survive unless they become a boutique firm." I've been a business attorney in small, and now mid-size firm for over 30 years, and for over 30 years legal consultants have been preaching this exact same mantra of impending doom for small and mid-sized firms -- verbatim. This claim apparently helps them gin up merger opportunities from smaller firms who become convinced that they need to become larger overnight. The claim that large corporations are interested in cost-saving and efficiency has likewise been preached for decades, and is likewise bunk. If large corporations had any real interest in saving money they wouldn't use large law firms whose rates are substantially higher than those of high-quality mid-sized firms.

  5. The family is the foundation of all human government. That is the Grand Design. Modern governments throw off this Design and make bureaucratic war against the family, as does Hollywood and cultural elitists such as third wave feminists. Since WWII we have been on a ship of fools that way, with both the elite and government and their social engineering hacks relentlessly attacking the very foundation of social order. And their success? See it in the streets of Fergusson, on the food stamp doles (mostly broken families)and in the above article. Reject the Grand Design for true social function, enter the Glorious State to manage social dysfunction. Our Brave New World will be a prison camp, and we will welcome it as the only way to manage given the anarchy without it.

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