Roy Graham: Let’s use lots of kindness to salve thoughts of suicide

I was deeply moved and saddened by the story on suicide in a recent edition of The Brown County Democrat. That is, to see the statistic that Brown County has the highest suicide rate in the state was so unexpected.

Suicide is not as uncommon as one might think. Many families have been afflicted with this horror.

As an attorney with 34 years experience, I have seen many tragic events — fortunately none of my clients, former or current, have ever taken their own lives.

My last encounter with this issue was a sworn deposition of a victim in a domestic case two years ago. I represented the aggressor, the defendant. A week later the victim took her life. Overdose.

She was so distracted at the deposition — unresponsive — we had to stop the questioning to reset at a later date, which never came. I wasn’t shocked when I heard the news, however. Was she depressed at the deposition? Was she on powerful drugs? I don’t know.

I reasoned to myself that I had no way of preventing it as I did not personally know the person and it would have been inappropriate considering she was to return for another sworn statement. I wish I had tried, however.

So that is the gist of what I am trying to convey here. I believe a large percentage of those reading this column know someone who has mentioned suicide and/or who is extremely depressed. Maybe they are on the verge of suicide.

Apparently there are telltale signs, but I am not a therapist, and I certainly can’t list them here. But if you fear this, make sure to act. Show them some kindness, something small, maybe a visit, or bring them something to eat that you know they like.

Just showing up is sometimes all that needs to happen. Do they need a ride to buy groceries? Do they need a repair at their home they don’t have funds to accomplish? Is their car on the blink? Were they recently divorced? Did they lose a cherished pet recently? Or worse, their spouse?

There is a famous story, told in many different ways, about a person ready to take their own life, but for the act of kindness by a stranger, they did not.

This could be the mailman stopping to say hello, “How are you, nice day, no?” Or a nurse in a home of the elderly sitting down with someone who is woefully alone.

It could be bringing a dog or kitty to sit with them. Or finding a pet at the shelter for them and paying for the adoption fee.

Remember, many commit suicide because they feel no one cares, and life, all of it, is just hopeless. If you sense this, intervene any way you can.

This is not to slight all of the professional and volunteer organizations and programs, of which there are many.

But people with these afflictions — depression, poverty, loneliness, fear, illness — always respond to human kindness. The reward for you will be tremendous.

There is a famous saying that is apt here: “Saving a life is like saving the world.”

Amen.•

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Roy Graham is a criminal and family lawyer in Bloomington. Opinions expressed are those of the author.