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What do you say when you’re asked the question?
No, not that question.
Instead, let’s talk about two of the most common—and perhaps most misunderstood—questions lawyers are asked by people outside the field.
One comes from criminal law, the other from family law. They may sound simple, but each invites more than a legal response. They point to a deeper question: How should lawyers respond when confronted with the moral weight of their work?
“How can you defend someone who’s guilty?”
Every criminal defense lawyer hears this—from family, friends, even kids—often multiple times. Perhaps you were asked to address a class of middle school students and it came up.
It’s not a bad question. In fact, it’s an important one. It comes from a place of genuine curiosity. And it deserves a real answer.
Let me share how a colleague once handled it when an emeritus professor—a world-renowned music scholar—asked him over lunch:
“You help criminals? Why defend someone when you know they’re guilty?”
Instead of giving a hypothetical, my colleague made it personal.
He said: “Imagine your son—the one you love unconditionally—has committed a terrible crime. He’s guilty. There’s no question. The evidence is overwhelming, and even the best lawyers you’ve hired agree: he must plead guilty.”
Then he asked, “Where would you want the case heard?”
County #1, where the prosecutor’s brother was a crime victim, a similar crime—and that prosecutor is now running for office on a ‘law and order’ platform?
County #2, where the judge—a former prosecutor—has a reputation for rejecting every ‘lenient’ plea deal?
Or County #3, where the prosecutor believes in justice, proportionality, and rehabilitation?
The attorney added, “That’s why we do what we do…”
“My Wife Has Gone Crazy.”
A young man calls one day, a typical family law cold call. He’s upset.
“My wife has gone crazy,” he says. “I want a divorce. She’s acting like a chicken with its head cut off.”
A compassionate lawyer doesn’t leap to litigation. The right first response?
“I’m sorry you’re going through this. Can I ask how old she is? How many kids do you have? How old are they?”
He’s puzzled. “Why do you need to know that?”
“Well…it might help me understand what’s happening.”
“She’s 23. We got married at 18. Our third kid was born four months ago.”
The lawyer didn’t recommend a divorce. Instead, he gently encouraged patience. “This might not be about marriage,” he said. “It’s possible your wife is struggling with postpartum depression. That can mean mood swings, anxiety, crying spells, sleep issues—especially in the first few weeks. But for some, the symptoms go on for months or longer without help.”
The advice? Be patient. Be present. Check back in six months if nothing improves.
Six months later, the attorney received a voicemail: “You were right, she’s fine now. We got through it—together. Thank you.”
The role we play
By now, the purpose of these stories should be clear: How lawyers respond to difficult questions, both inside and outside the courtroom, matters. The best answers aren’t always legal — they’re human.
This brings me of a phone call I made 37 years ago while fundraising for IU Maurer School of Law. I spoke with a solo practitioner in Florida who said something I’ve never forgotten:
“This may surprise you,” he said, “but sometimes, our role is to be a Philosopher King.”
He was right. If you haven’t heard that phrase before, I hope it sticks with you, too.•
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Roy Graham is a criminal and family lawyer in Bloomington. Opinions expressed are those of the author.
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