Support groups, career flexibility help attorneys manage work and parenting

Allyson Mills knew she wanted to be a mother and a lawyer, but some flexibility would be required to achieve that balance.

Before her son, Aiden, now 5, was born, Mills worked as a litigator, juggling a heavy caseload and long hours. Her husband, Adam, is also a litigation attorney and a senior associate at Taft Stettinius & Hollister’s Indianapolis office.

“I anticipated that being a huge hurdle,” she said. “I made the conscious decision to look for a different employment setup prior to starting our family.

“I knew it would be really hard if we were both in litigation.”

The Westfield resident found what she needed as in-house counsel for Roche Diagnostics Corp., a role that came with 40-hour weeks, allowing her to spend more time with her family.

Mills is not alone in her search for balance. More than 75% of attorneys who are mothers said a flexible work policy was key to their success, according to a 2023 survey from the American Bar Association. Locally, attorneys say growing job flexibility and support groups help them find that balance.

Finding flexibility

Acquisitions attorney Franci Fealk can choose how many hours to spend on client work because her firm, Boesen & Snow Law, has different tiers of billable hours.

“Between 9 and 5 most of my day is working, but if I need to go to an open house at school or a party, I can say I’m not available,” the Carmel-based attorney said. “I’m the room mom at Molly’s school. … That’s something that’s really important to me.”

Fealk said she can work later in the day when she needs to make time for her 5-year-old daughter.

Fealk aims for dinnertime as a stopping point. She tries to eat with her husband, Michael Skolnick, and their daughter, Molly.

“Occasionally I’ll have an event or I’ll get a phone call, and if there’s a closing going on, I’ll need to deal with that during dinner,” she said. “But I really try to make time for dinner and a little bit afterwards for our family.”

Before her maternity leave, Mills typically spent up to three days a week in the office and the rest of the week at home.

“There have been times where I have gone more than two to three days per week,” she said. “Sometimes I’ve traveled for work, or we’ve had a conference. … It just depends.”

Mills also credits her husband’s support for her success as a mother and lawyer.

“Both of our careers are priorities,” she said. “We really do an excellent job working together as a team to make our work schedules work with our family schedule.”

Even with planning, unexpected demands can disrupt the day for Mills, who has three children now, ranging in age from nearly 4 months to 5 years.

“I’m very Type A by nature. I like to have a to-do list for the day for both work and personal,” Mills said. “Being a mom, you have to realize you’re going to have to be flexible. … You can have a to-do list, but you have to know it could completely fall apart at any minute.”

Fealk and her husband also plan around their responsibilities.

“There’s a constant list of different things — playdates, making sure your child has the spirit wear they need (for school) in addition to making sure my clients have everything they need,” she said. “I keep a notebook because sometimes things pop in my head.”

Mills is wrapping up her third maternity leave.

“I feel like I’m pretty seasoned at doing this,” she said. “I know there will be an adjustment period, and that’s very normal.”

Finding support

Fealk finds time for self-care by playing mahjong and participating in Moms Offering Moms Support, a virtual monthly support group for mothers hosted through the Indiana State Bar Association.

The former Arizona resident who started attending the meetings in January said it’s a much-needed program.

“In Arizona, The Women Lawyers Association had a mothers group where they would get together for different events. I think that was something that was lacking in the Indiana area,” she said.

Mills, who founded the group nearly a year ago with two other attorneys, has described motherhood as occasionally isolating.

“When you’re going through something (like motherhood), you feel like you’re the only one experiencing this, but once you start talking to other moms, you realize we’re all going through the same things,” she explained.

Mills said she and co-founders Brittany Kelly and Kelly Starling wanted to create a dedicated space for mothers in the legal profession to vent, talk and strategize. They meet via Zoom. The group leaders take turns moderating the discussion.

Topics have included mom guilt, being the default parent, the invisible load of motherhood and working as a lawyer.

Mills said the group is open to all types of moms, not just birth moms. But she highlighted the unique demands of birth mothers, especially right after birth.

“You’ve not only experienced nine months of pregnancy, but then delivered your baby,” she said. “You’re not only taking care of someone new, you’re healing physically yourself and then needing to return back to work. … It is a lot on moms — logistically, mentally, physically, everything.”

The group uses the bar association’s “Mentor City,” an online program that matches lawyers with experienced mentors.

“I describe it (Mentor City) as like a dating app but with mentorship,” said Rebecca Smith, the bar association’s director of career enrichment. “Each of our members who join the platform, they do a short profile, and there’s an algorithm that evaluates the profile to give the mentee their best matches.”

MOMS is considered a “circle mentorship” because it can involve multiple people at once. In addition to MOMS, the bar association also offers a group for lawyers with attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder. Sign-up information is available on the association’s website.

What about dads?

Scott County Prosecutor Chris Owens said he follows a “family first” philosophy and encourages his staff to do the same.

“I have staff who come in and oftentimes want to let me know, ‘My daughter has a field trip’ and I always say, ‘Go do it,’” he said. “That’s always been my position.”

“My parents were both teachers, so they had the same hours that I had. When I was off during the summers, they were off. … I was very fortunate to grow up with a family that was very involved. … I try to do the same for my family,” the Scottsburg resident continued.

Being a prosecuting attorney comes with long hours. Owens, a father of three teenage boys, said he begins his day before 6 a.m. with the goal of leaving the office between 4:30 and 5:30 p.m.

“I’ve got a team of people that I trust wholeheartedly with any kind of case we have,” he said. “So, I’m able to be at my kids’ sporting events. If there’s a basketball game, … I can always leave a little early to get to that event.”

Owens noted the legal industry has become more family-friendly. But he also faces another challenge, representing the criminal justice system in Scott County, an area with fewer than 30,000 people.

He describes the scrutiny he and his family face as the most difficult aspect of his job, something you can’t adjust with schedule changes or flexible hours.

“The people we prosecute every day are people I know, people I’ve gone to school with or my kids know their kids,” Owens explained. “That’s the hardest thing is knowing my kids are always under a microscope.”•